ORLANDO (adapted from the original by Virginia Woolf)
Orlando was first produced at Classic Stage Company in New York City in September 2010, directed by Rebecca Taichman.
Excerpt
CHARACTERS:
Orlando
and
THE CHORUS
(may be cast with all kinds of genders,
may be double-cast
may be played by as few as three gifted transformational virtuosic actors
or as many as you can fit on a stage and pay)
Sasha
Queen Elizabeth
Shakespeare
The Archduke/Archduchess
Marmaduke Bonthrop Shelmerdine, Esquire
Miss Penelope Hartopp
A washerwoman
Favilla
Clorinda
Euphrosyne
A Russian Sea-Man
As You Like It Orlando
Rosalind
A Sea Captain
A maid—Grimsditch
A chaplain—Dupper
A Salesperson
An elevator operator
Time:
Act One:
The 16th and 17th centuries
Act Two:
The 18th, 19th and 20th centuries, and the present moment
ACT I:
The Elizabethan Age.
SCENE 1: Orlando.
ORLANDO:
HE—
CHORUS: ALL
HE!
ORLANDO: (to the audience—a conspiracy)
He—for there could be no doubt of his sex...
CHORUS:
Though the fashion of the age did something to disguise it—
ORLANDO:
Was in the act of brandishing his sword—
CHORUS:
3: For the age was Elizabethan.
4: Their morals were not ours.
6: Nor their poets, nor their climate
7: nor their vegetables even.
5: Everything was different.
4: The rain fell vehemently or not at all.
3: The sun blazed or there was darkness.
ALL: Violence was all.
ORLANDO:
And so, Orlando—for Orlando was his name-- brandished his sword and—
Orlando swings his sword wildly, killing no one.
ORLANDO:
I do so long to chop the head off an infidel, but I am, as yet, only sixteen.
CHORUS: 5
sights exulted him—
CHORUS: 6
the birds and the trees—
ORLANDO:
and made him in love with death....
Orlando looks at the chorus. They disperse.
ORLANDO:
I am alone.
CHORUS: 4
He sighed profoundly.
Orlando sighs profoundly.
ORLANDO:
And flung himself
on the earth
at the foot of
a great oak tree.
Orlando flings himself down in front of an oak tree.
ORLANDO:
And in his mind, image followed image:
CHORUS: 5
The oak tree was
the back of a great horse
that he was riding
CHORUS: 6
or the deck of a tumbling ship--
CHORUS: 4
it was anything indeed
so long as it was hard
ORLANDO:
for he felt the need of something
which he could attach
his floating heart to.
I will—
CHORUS: 7
Orlando thought—
ORLANDO:
I will write a great poem
about the Oak Tree.
CHORUS:
7: And he tried to describe—
6: For all young poets are forever describing—
7: Nature.
ORLANDO:
He wanted to match the shade of green
Precisely—
The green of the grass, the green of the grass…
The greeny greeny green of the grass—
CHORUS: 5
But green in nature is one thing
CHORUS: 4
Green in literature quite another.
CHORUS: 7
When—
(A trumpet sound)
CHORUS: 7
A Trumpet Sounded!!!
ORLANDO:
Tomorrow.
I will write a great poem About the oak tree tomorrow.
More trumpets.
Orlando leaps to his feet.
ORLANDO:
Orlando saw that his great house—
in the valley—
was pierced with lights.
CHORUS:
7: Coaches turned and wheeled.
5: Horses tossed their plumes.
4: And why did horses toss their plumes?
ORLANDO:
Christ Jesus!
CHORUS: 6
THE QUEEN HAD COME.
CHORUS: 7
Orlando dashed downhill.
The chorus dresses Orlando.
CHORUS: 7/ 6 (alternating lines)
He let himself in at a wicket gate.
He tore up the winding staircase.
He tripped.
(He was a trifle clumsy.)
Through short cuts known only to him,
he dashed—
ORLANDO:
And reached the banqueting hall only just in time to sink upon
his knees and, hanging his head in confusion, to offer a bowl of
rose water to the....
QUEEN:
great
Queen
Herself.
SCENE 2:
The Poet and the Queen
The Queen extends her hand.
Orlando kneels before her.
ORLANDO:
Such was Orlando's shyness that he saw no
more of her than her ringed hand in water, but
it was enough.
ORLANDO:
It was a memorable hand.
QUEEN:
a thin hand with long fingers always curling as if round orb or scepter;
ORLANDO
a nervous, crabbed, sickly hand;
QUEEN:
a commanding hand, a hand that had only to raise itself for a head to fall; yes, the Queen had a hand—
ORLANDO:
—Orlando guessed, attached to an old body that smelt like a cupboard.
QUEEN:
Come.
Orlando approaches the Queen and kneels at her feet.
THE QUEEN:
The Queen studied him.
She read him like a page—Eyes, mouth, nose, hips, hands...
By God! He has the shapeliest legs of any nobleman in England!
ORLANDO:
Orlando felt something press against his hair...
(The Queen kisses Orlando's hair)
THE QUEEN:
(To the audience) He had been kissed by a queen without knowing it.
(to Orlando) What is your name, dear boy?
ORLANDO:
Orlando.
THE QUEEN:
Orlando! And what do you want to be when you grow up, Orlando?
ORLANDO:
I would very much like to be a poet, your Highness.
THE QUEEN:
Ah, romance, folly, poetry, youth! I think you would make a fine poet, Orlando. And I have
always wanted a gentleman just your age. How would you like to come to Court, Orlando?
ORLANDO:
To court—that's a very great honor, your Highness.
THE QUEEN:
Yes.
(to the audience) The Queen plucked a ring from her finger—
The joint was rather swollen—
(to Orlando) Orlando, with this ring, I hereby name you my Treasurer and Steward.
ORLANDO:
Thank you, Mum.
THE QUEEN:
And the Queen took Orlando to Court.
For the old woman loved Orlando.
CHORUS: 6
Lands were given him
A great house assigned him.
THE QUEEN:
He was to be the son of her old age.
CHORUS: 6
And the flower bloomed and faded.
CHORUS: 7
And the sun rose and sank.
The Queen leads Orlando to her bedroom and pulls him down among the cushions.
THE QUEEN:
I hope that you will stay with me always.
ORLANDO:
Yes, mum.
CHORUS: 7
And the flower bloomed and faded.
CHORUS: 6
And the sun rose and sank.
CHORUS: 7
One day, a trifle bored, Orlando wandered through court--and
came upon the servant’s quarters--where he saw--
ORLANDO:
Oh!
A rather fat, shabby man, with a tankard of ale beside him--
CHORUS: 6/SHAKESPEARE
And a pen.
ORLANDO:
He was not writing. He seemed in the act of rolling some thought up and down,
SHAKESPEARE:
To and fro in his mind until it gathered shape.
His eyes, clouded like stone, were fixed. He did not see Orlando.
ORLANDO:
Was this a poet? Orlando wanted to say, "Tell me everything, everything in the whole world!” For he had the wildest, most absurd ideas about poets--but how to speak to a man who sees--
SHAKESPEARE:
Ogres, satyrs, perhaps the depth of the sea–
ORLANDO:
And not you?
The man turned the pen in his fingers, this way and that, mused, and then, very quickly, wrote half a dozen lines.
SHAKESPEARE:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more...more...more...temperate !
(The poet notices Orlando.)
SHAKESPEARE:
Yes?
ORLANDO:
Orlando, overcome with shyness, darted off...
For he was terribly late.
THE QUEEN:
Where have you been, dear boy??
ORLANDO:
I’m sorry, Mum, I got lost.
THE QUEEN:
No matter. Shall we play a game, Orlando?
ORLANDO:
Yes, mum. What is the game?
THE QUEEN:
First you recite a Petrarchan sonnet on my eyes, and then I challenge you to an ode upon my feet.
ORLANDO:
Yes, mum.
THE QUEEN:
And if they are very good, you may kiss me.
ORLANDO:
Yes, mum.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate--
THE QUEEN:
You may kiss me.
She kisses him, passionately.
THE QUEEN:
This—
THE QUEEN:
The Queen breathed—
Is my victory!
CHORUS: 6/7
And the flower bloomed and faded.
And the sun rose and sank.
Orlando sighs.
THE QUEEN:
What is the matter, Orlando?
ORLANDO:
Mum?
THE QUEEN:
Are you quite content? You don’t seem your usual self. Did you enjoy the parakeets from the Azores?
ORLANDO:
Very much, mum.
THE QUEEN:
Perhaps you are bored. Perhaps you do not play with boys your own age quite enough.
ORLANDO:
How could boys my own age compare with a Queen, Mum?
THE QUEEN:
That’s the spirit, Orlando.
SCENE 3:
Man's Treachery
CHORUS: 7
The long winter months drew on.
ORLANDO:
Frost covered all the trees—
THE QUEEN:
And the nights were of perfect stillness.
CHORUS: 7
One morning...
THE QUEEN:
The Queen was getting dressed.
CHORUS: 7
(dressing the Queen)
Your stockings, Mum—
Your farthingale, Mum—
which was tightened
and fastened—
THE QUEEN:
Not too tight!
Until the Queen floated
as if on her own island.
THE QUEEN:
She powdered her face.
CHORUS: 6
She was practicing a speech.
THE QUEEN:
My loving people. I know I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the
heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too—
CHORUS: 7
When all of a sudden—
THE QUEEN:
the Queen saw in the mirror...
CHORUS: 6
Which she kept for fear of spies...
THE QUEEN:
through the door...
a boy...
ORLANDO:
Could it be Orlando?
THE QUEEN:
kissing a girl—
Who in the devil's name is that brazen hussy?
Snatching at her golden sword she struck violently at the mirror.
CHORUS: 6
The glass crashed.
People came running.
CHORUS: 5
She was lifted and set in her chair again. But she was stricken after that
and groaned for many years:
THE QUEEN:
Man's treachery.
CHORUS: 5, 6, and 7
It was Orlando's fault, perhaps.
ORLANDO:
Yet, after all, are we to blame Orlando? He was young, he was boyish.
He did as nature bade him do.
CHORUS: 7/CLORINDA, 5/FAVILLA and 6/EUPHROSYNE:
It is certain indeed that many
ladies were ready to show him their favors.
(They giggle.)
SCENE 4:
Orlando Grows Tired of The Queen.
Or: Clorinda, Favilla, and Euphrosyne
CHORUS: 5/FAVILLA
Favilla’s grace in dancing had won the admiration of all.
CHORUS: 6/EUPHROSYNE
The second, Euphrosyne, was by far the most serious of Orlando's flames.
CHORUS: 7/CLORINDA
And the third, Clorinda, could not bear the sight of blood, and the smell of roast meat made her faint. She took it upon herself to reform Orlando.
ORLANDO:
Orlando did not much regret it when Clorinda died soon after of the small-pox.
Clorinda falls dead to the floor. Favilla and Euphrosyne look at her, not a little pleased.
CHORUS: FIVE/FAVILLA
Once, however, Favilla was so ill-advised as to whip a spaniel—that had torn one of her silk stockings—beneath Orlando’s window.
ORLANDO:
I love animals.
CHORUS: FIVE/FAVILLA
Oh...
ORLANDO:
Orlando now noticed that her teeth were crooked, which is a sure sign of a perverse and cruel disposition in a woman.
I'm sorry, but I'm forced to break off our engagement forever. (Favilla exits, lips trembling)
CHORUS: SIX/EUPHROSYNE
Euphrosyne sang in Italian well—
(a snatch of a song in Italian)
And she was never without a spaniel.
She fed them white bread from her own plate—
(to an imaginary spaniel, in Italian)
Come here my darling...
Euphrosyne would have made a perfect wife for a nobleman such as Orlando—
ORLANDO:
I will have my lawyers draw up the settlements, darling.
Orlando kissed Euphrosyne on her serious cold cheek.
CHORUS: SEVEN
When, with suddenness and severity, came
CHORUS: FIVE and SEVEN
The Great FROST.
SCENE 5:
The Great Frost.
The Russian Princess.
Sounds of wind and skates scraping against ice.
CHORUS: THREE/QUEEN
Birds froze in mid-air
and fell like stones to the ground.
CHORUS: SEVEN/GRIMSDITCH
It was no uncommon sight to come upon
a whole herd of swine frozen immovable upon the road.
CHORUS:
5: The fields were full of shepherds all struck stark
in the act of the moment
7: one with his hand to his nose
6: another with the bottle to his lips
5: a third with a stone raised to throw at
4: a raven who sat, as if stuffed, upon the hedge.
CHORUS: THREE
But while the country people suffered,
London enjoyed a carnival
of the utmost brilliancy.
(Music and trumpets.
A Great Spectacle.)
CHORUS: 3/QUEEN
Frozen roses fell in showers when the Queen and her courtiers walked abroad.
Colored balloons hovered motionless in the air.
CHORUS:
7: Lovers dallied upon divans.
5: The ice went so deep and so clear that there could be seen, congealed at a depth of a few thousand feet—
6: here a porpoise,
5: there a flounder!!!
ORLANDO:
Orlando was gazing at a frozen flounder five fathoms beneath the frozen sea...
A captivating figure —Sasha—skates by in slow motion, circling Orlando.
CHORUS 2/SASHA (in a Russian accent):
When a figure skated by him...
CHORUS: THREE/QUEEN
Orlando, upon seeing the figure, shouted in his own mind,
ORLANDO: (shouting at the girl)
Melon, pineapple, olive tree, emerald, fox in the snow—
CHORUS: 7
All in the space of three seconds.
SASHA:
An extraordinary seductiveness issued from the whole person--
ORLANDO:
And Orlando did not know whether he had heard her,
tasted her,
seen her,
or all three together.
CHORUS: 6
And then the boy skated by—
for alas, Orlando,
a boy it must be.
Orlando looks at the chorus—incredulous.
CHORUS: 7
Legs, hands, and carriage, were a boy’s.
CHORUS: 4
No woman could skate with such speed and vigor.
ORLANDO: (To the audience)
Orlando was ready to tear his hair with vexation that this fine person was of his own sex. All embraces are out of the question?
SASHA (in a Russian accent)
But no boy ever had a mouth like that—
ORLANDO:
no boy had eyes which looked
as if they had been fished from the bottom
of the sea.
SASHA:
The unknown skater came to a standstill.
ORLANDO AND THE CHORUS: ALL
SHE WAS A WOMAN.
The blue background you see is a close-up of a tile from a production of Eurydice at Second Stage,
directed by Les Waters and designed by Scott Bradley.